I have no idea what this sign is telling me….but I see a cat with his mouth covered, the word “love”, and a kid catching a baseball.

If I had to choose one word to sum up my fascination with Japan, it would be contradiction.  It’s a culture in which the more quickly you can become comfortable with extremes, the more quickly you can assimilate.  This range of seeming opposites is prevalent in many aspects of Japanese society, and evident with just a quick stroll around business-cultural hubs like Tokyo’s Shinjuku, Ginza or Roppongi neighborhoods at different times of day or night.

Growing up in America, I had often heard of Japan’s extremely serious “business” mentality—from the pressure put on children to perform on academic tests at a young age to the dark, homogenous suits and long business hours in the workplace.  In other words, when I saw this group of identically-dressed businessmen on the 6:10am JR Keihin-Tohoku line train from Yokohama to Tokyo Station, or this cluster of early risers walking from the station trying to be first to the office, again dressed alike, I wasn’t surprised.

Keihin-Tōhoku Line between Tokyo & Yokohama

Outside Tokyo Station

However, over the course of rushing to catch the last train home each night (usually around midnight, depending on the line and station) whenever I’m in Tokyo, which is a common nightly exercise for many, I was initially shocked each time I saw one of these traditional Japanese salarymen, bland dark suit and all, sprawled out completely unconscious on a train platform floor.

Hibiya Station; Chiyoda Line

Roppongi Station; Oedo Line

Shimbashi Station; Ginza Line

Aoyama Itchome Station; Hanzomon Line

As if working 12 hour days is not enough, you’ll quickly discover drinking to be a major part of Japanese business culture.  While intended to ‘relieve’ stress, it is more of an expectation and obligation than voluntary pursuit, yet another contradiction to mirror the simple idea of an intimidating, business-savvy, demanding boss to many by day knocked out on a public floor like a flunking college freshman by night.

Ah, the beauty of Japan…

My ID:  3:34pm, Tuesday, 22 March 2005:  Narita Airport

United Airlines Flight UA837 from San Francisco

While it goes without saying that most first-timers to Japan arrive through the Narita gateway, my first true experience with Japan was, quite literally, at Narita Airport.  The destination of my first trip to Asia was the Philippines, via Singapore, and my flight from the US touched down first in Tokyo.  I’m not counting the hour I spent around Gate 54 as my first foray into Japan, but it just so happens that I had the reverse route back, six days later.  This time, my incoming flight from Singapore left about a three hour window before I had to depart back to SFO.

Being the rookie traveler that I was at the time, I decided that instead of eating the same dried out sandwich and Pocky pack I had at Gate 54 earlier that week, I would stand in line at immigration to get my passport stamped.  I had my fancy Narita Immigration sticker 30 minutes later, and stepped outside to breathe Japanese air for the first time—in the Narita parking lot.  After a 15-minute tour of Narita’s long-term parking and train station, I thought better of my inkling to leave the airport, and went back to the gate for my flight…but not until I had experienced Japan for the first time!

Japan is a model of efficiency in so many ways. I have often marveled at how a city like Tokyo, with one of the highest population densities in the world, seems to run like clockwork—people are on time to where they are going, they don’t fight, and everyone just kind of falls in line. It seems to all come down to organization and efficiency.

So in the spirit of efficiency, it should be no surprise that Japan is home to nearly six million vending machines, and I’m always astounded at what I may find next. As we showed you before, even restaurants take something from the vending machine culture.

While I was researching to tell you more about these amazing vending machines though, I found a wonderful post by Joe Schott on Heavy.com which tells the story better than I could hope to, so I will put it below for your enjoyment. Their choice of videos is hilarious. So without further adieu, from Heavy.com, we present to you:

The 20 Awesomest Japanese Vending Machines: Porno, Panties & Pringles

(Joe Schott/Heavy.com)

Japan is absolutely nuts over vending machines. The island nation has around 5.6 million coin and card-operated machines. That’s about one vending machine for every 23 people. That is also more vending machines in Japan than people living in New Zealand. So one would expect with the competition that 5.6 million vending machines breeds, everyone is trying to make their vending machine stand out. This densely populated landscape has led to Japan having some of the most innovation and downright weird vending machines in the world. Come along with Heavy-san as we take you on a guided tour of Japan’s 20 Awesomest Vending Machines.

1. Smart Car vending machine

Ever stare at your work’s vending machine and wish you could just buy a car instead of a bag of salted peanuts? Japan has. Now you can purchase a Smart Car from a vending machine, but it really sucks when the machine eats your money.

2. Pringles vending machine

Oddly specific… here is a purely Pringles vending machine/game. No Pizza Pringles though? Come on Japan, that’s the best one.

3. Live Crab vending machine

Now, this isn’t EXACTLY from Japan, it’s from China. But it is definitely in the same spirit, and makes a convincing case for top Awesomest Award. It is a live crab vending machine and the video below touches on some of the logistics behind stocking live crab and keeping them fresh (read: alive).

4. Farm Fresh Egg vending machine

A pretty bizarre choice for a vending machine considering you cannot eat uncooked eggs. The fresh eggs vending machine can net you a sack of eggs for about $2, but how does it deliver them to you without cracking? Check out the video below to see it in action.

5. Tommy Lee Jones (BOSS) Canned Coffee

Did you know Tommy Lee Jones jumped on the Japanese product endorsement gravy train? Well he did, and for BOSS canned coffee. Check out the above commercial where Jones plays an aggravated security officer who also happens to be an alien of sorts. The BOSS canned coffee vending machines also sport Tommy Lee’s mug in a strangely semi-aggressive profile pose.

6. Japanese Banana vending machine

Ever get the insatiable urge to eat 5 bananas? Me either, but apparently they do in Japan and the only cure is more vending machine. Check out the above video to see the bizarre contraption in action, and take note of the special banana peel garbage cans placed next to the machine.

7. Balloon vending machine

Ever have a crappy day and wish you had a smiley-face balloon to cheer you up? In Japan, they’ve got a vending machine for that!

8. Used Panty vending machine

The lovely Alex Sim-Wise gets down and dirty with the soiled panty underworld that thrives in Japan. The above video has her entering a shop that sells various soiled panties, soiled by various girls. She then finds the “holy grail” of vending machines, a soiled panty dispenser. Only 30 bucks! Whattadeal!

9. Fried Chicken & French Fry vending machine

The colonel was really caught sleeping on this one. How are you going to let Japan beat you to making vending machine fried chicken available 24 hours? Come on Sanders!

10. Just a Regular Cigarette vending machine….but….look at the bottom?

Let’s take a closer look shall we?

That’s a Lot of Muscles!

Huh, a supremely fit man smoking, giving off the impression that smoking is healthy for you… what’s on the side of this machine?

With Really Short Shorts…

This is weird Japan…

11. Cup Noodle vending machine

This is pretty great, actually if any of you want to steal my idea and become multi-millionaires, buy a license to sell these machines and install them at college dorms and campuses across the country. You’re welcome.

12. Crepe vending machine

First Japan takes our fried chicken, a symbol of America, and puts it in their vending machines and now they take France’s crepes. At least they know France probably won’t do anything about it and if we weren’t so lazy, we’d take back our fried chicken too.

13. Weirdest Coke Machine Ever

Like a cross between Stephen King’s IT and Pee Wee Herman’s Playhouse, this coke machine is the stuff of your worst nightmares. In a cross promotion with Japan’s version of Lady Gaga, Coke rolled this doozy of an eyesore which dispenses nothing but Coca-Cola. What’s worse? To retrieve your coke, you must reach up this devil-clown vending machine’s skirt.

14. The Second-Weirdest Coke Machine Ever

Not to be outdone by itself, Japan has a Coke Robot Vending machine that walks around Shibuya Station spitting out cokes and lazerbeams. Check out the video below to see the Coke Robot, dubbed “VENDING MACHINE RED” in action… kind of.

Vending Machine Red Commercial

15. Dildo vending machine

Yes, Japan doesn’t neglect their females vending machine needs.

16. Porno vending machine

This is genius! Porno magazine vending machine! Finally, you don’t have to look guilt-stricken into the eyes of a 7-11 cashier when you buy your smut.

17. Pokemon vending machine

It wouldn’t be a Japanese 20 Awesomest list without some kind of gaming reference thrown in. Check out this all-Pokémon vending machine.

18. Lettuce vending machine

Duh, of course there is a lettuce vending machine where the lettuce grows artificially without any real sunlight. How else would you get your lettuce?

19. Beer vending machine

Now we’re cooking with gas. Here is the single greatest use of vending machine technology ever in the world. A vending machine that vends beer. Pure, unadulterated genius. Also, how do they check your ID at these things? Eh, who cares, whoever made this should be granted a Nobel prize.

20. Classic Combo: Whiskey and M&M’s

For around 6 bucks, you can be living real classy with the strangely awesome M&M plus Whiskey combo. Great idea, great effort.

If you’ve ever been to Japan, or even heard of Japan, you’re probably well aware that trains run on time in Japan. In the rare instances where your line isn’t on time—even by so little as 60 seconds—you won’t be able to iPlug your ears tight enough to miss the several profuse apologies being issued by any and every train employee.  Ten minutes, and you might even get your money back.

In the rare event there is a delay, I’m amazed at the clarity and efficiency with which it is communicated, from reasons for the delay to alternate travel options, if necessary.  This being despite the fact that 99% of these delays are caused by reasons beyond the feasible control of the actual train operators—heavy rains, winds, snows, or the all-too-common “Human Accident”.

Err—suicide.

In what is such a remarkably efficient and plentiful country with such remarkably kind and humble people, it is hard to imagine suicide being such an epidemic, yet Japan has consistently had more than 30,000 suicides a year for more than a decade—ranking in the world’s top 10 per capita.  Undoubtedly, this is partially attributable to the societal

expectation of being “successful” in Japan and the pressure and stress associated with it, but the recent surge has been fueled by unemployment and financial hardship that was spawned by a 1997 stock market burst from which Japan’s economy has never fully recovered (and even more recently the global financial crisis of the past two years).

In regards to the train system, last year approximately 2,000 of these suicides were carried out by victims jumping in front of trains.  After experimenting with installing mirrors at several stations, playing on the assumption that it would be harder to carry through with such an act if you are seeing your own reflection in front of you, Japanese railway operators are now installing these fluorescent blue light fixtures at a growing number of stations (like Japan Rail’s Ogikubo Station pictured here, as well as the entire Yamanote Line looping central Tokyo).  While this methodology is no more scientifically proven than the mirror logic, the idea is to leverage therapist claims that a drony, blue light has a calming effect on agitated people, or people obsessed with a particular thing, in this case committing suicide.  Rather than give the entire station a bright, eerie blue overhaul, the re-designers are focusing their attention on the first two light fixtures of each platform, as the vast majority of these “human accidents” occur at the part of the platform where the train is moving the fastest and there are fewer crowds.

Hopefully the blue lights will help, but surely won’t help as much as the potential of a rebounding global economy…