Because you won’t discuss this as mature adults…

Hi Jiaheng & Marjolein,

I’ve tried reaching out to both of you to have a conversation, so we can get to the bottom of this. You are both unwilling to do so, and yet continue your slanderous ways. I’m open to a conversation, but let’s just get some facts out there. I would like nothing more than to discontinue all contact (as you both seem to want to do), but the only way we can do that is if you also stop wasting your time talking falsely about me.

  1. I’ve tried to post on the “MissTiffie” blog to basically apologize for my wrongdoings to anyone on there that I hurt, and also explain my side of things. She does not accept the comment. I have had other female friends both whom I have and have not dated who have also tried to post comments in my defense, and she also doesn’t accept those, as they poke holes in her grossly exaggerated story. So what you have read there is incredibly biased, one-sided, NOT at all “democratic” and as such you believed horrible things about me that you witnessed with your own eyes not true to be true. (This also goes to the “Asian” thing as the non-Asians I’ve dated who’ve seen that post dismiss it immediately as it doesn’t pertain to them). 
  2. As per point #1, what you see on “MissTiffie” is incredibly exaggerated. What she does not mention is that at the time I met her, she had a boyfriend who started to threaten me via Facebook. Her and I met one single time, never again, and never talked. So it was never much to begin with. There is no reason for her to have reacted as overtly as she did, other than to provide click bait for her TMZ-style gossip/teen drama blog. If I was such a “monster” when she posted that in 2015, then she would not have still been trying to reach out to me via Facebook as of 2017 (which I can provide screen shots of as it still exists in my Facebook, but of course also she fails to mention in her blog).
  3. @Marjolein, you also had another guy during the entire (short) time we met. At no point throughout the period I knew you did you stop talking about “Simon” from Berlin. You were previously involved with him and continued to be involved with him. I said flirtatious things to you, sure, but for you to believe that it was something super serious when there was absolutely NO effort made on my part (i.e. never talked on the phone, never really talked about much of anything), that makes no sense. I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IF I MISLED YOU AND HURT YOU, but as you said, we never really had anything, you had other people the entire time (you mentioned a “Rob” and talked about meeting Simon for “sex all weekend” with him, exactly quoted), and so you should chalk it up to a memory of a few days in Istanbul and let it go.
  4. @Jiaheng, I don’t believe you were seeing anybody else, and I knew you by far the longest of any of the “accusers” mentioned here or on the blog. As such, I feel closest to you and am most concerned about you, and feel worst about hurting you. I take responsibility for “dating around,” but at the same time we never discussed anything serious, and we had several periods in the year knowing each other without contact for months. So I don’t believe you ever thought it was something serious. As for the other thing that happened, that was unfortunate, but you cannot deny that as SOON as you told me, I TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY and agreed to be supportive no matter what you decided. It was a difficult situation emotionally, I understand, but you cannot deny that I accepted responsibility financially and emotionally.
  5. All of this adds up to, as I tried to add to the blog, was that I was in a player stage. I was dating around with other people who were mostly also dating around. I never forced, and I never pressured. I was very vague about my intentions, which I feel terribly about now, take responsibility and apologize for (especially to you who were not dating around—that was terrible of me). I never intended to hurt anyone. I had an incredibly selfish view of the world and of relationships by extension, and that is a painful learning I’ve endured. I have seen loud and clearly that I need to be mindful of other people’s feelings no matter the situation, and also be explicitly clear about expectations. Lesson learned.
  6. And finally, I am now more mindful of how my actions impact others. I was hard-headed and too slow to learn this, to be sure, but none of this is indicative of how I behave when I am actually really into someone (i.e. making effort). You were not good matches for me, I was not a good match for you…so let’s just move on. 

That all said, I wish you will have the decency to engage me in a conversation to discuss any of this, or simply accept these things and let us all move forward peacefully. Dwelling on me will not help either of you find the life you want, nor will it prevent me from finding a happy relationship.

Thank you sincerely for reading, and I’m available if you’d like to talk.